Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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