he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
