...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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