i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
