you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
