im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
