So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize