I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
