I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize