...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I will pee on everything he values.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
