if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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