im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
