i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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