Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
