I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had sex on a roof
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
