That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
