So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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