i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
