Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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