you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
