i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
