i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
