this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
