Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
