I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His nipple licking is glorious
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