Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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