laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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