My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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