he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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