God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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