you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
