I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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