Screwed.edu
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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