I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
