I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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