the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
