Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
