How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
