Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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