I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
