I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
