guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
