I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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