Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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