the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
