Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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