what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
