My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
