is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
