She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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