he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
