Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
