Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
