and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Alive.
So much puke
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
