I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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