whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
