I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
