roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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