did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
