Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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