I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
