Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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