that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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