Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
