He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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