i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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