My nipple is on Facebook.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
