someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
