I smell stomach acid.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
