Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
