Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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