Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
