omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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