I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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