dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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