I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
