Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Shame - the story of my life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
