I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
