Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
