You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
