Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i came on her dog
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
