I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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