but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
