I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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